Authentic Relationship Coaching for Queer, Neurodivergent, and Non-Traditional People in San Diego
Are you tired of feeling unseen or stuck in your relationships?
It’s time to stop abandoning yourself and start finding the love you truly deserve by standing up for yourself.
Maybe you’ve thought, “love just isn’t in the cards for me” but that’s only fear talking.
You want a partner who treats you with the same care you give, and you should be free to show up as your full self.
No more hiding, people-pleasing, or settling.
I’ll help you quit those old patterns (like unconsciously “choosing partners who can’t meet your needs”) and build a relationship where you feel safe, respected, and empowered.
I’m Alex Ray, a San Diego-based relationship coach (ICF-certified) who has been exactly where you are.
For years I was a total “yes” person, always putting others first and getting used, not loved.
It wasn’t easy, but I rebuilt my self-worth with the support of therapists and coaches.
Today I’m in a loving, respectful long-term relationship.
I’ve learned what it takes to speak up, set boundaries, and be my most authentic self.
Now I use that experience to guide you.
My goal is to create a safe space where you can drop the mask and be your most authentic self.
Think of me as a friend who’s also a brutally honest mentor: I’ll cheer you on and push you when you need it.
Who I Work With
My coaching is queer, neurodivergent and kink-friendly. I specialize in working with people who often feel “different” or out-of-place in traditional dating advice. This includes:
Singles who are ready to stop self-sabotaging and manifesting one-sided relationships. (As one of my client said, he finally attracted someone who met him halfway.)
Couples who still love each other but feel like roommates or have lost their spark. We rebuild intimacy so you can rekindle the love and respect for each other.
Throuples and polyamorous families, who want to balance multiple loves. I help all partners communicate needs and responsibilities. As one client in a throuple shared: “Alex helped us uncover the roots of the challenges… and move forward together in a more tightly knit and loving relationship.”
Queer, trans, and LGBTQ+ folks who want someone who “gets it” without judgment. One queer client said “Alex gave me the permission I needed to finally be me.”
Neurodivergent and kinky people, and anyone in non-traditional relationships. We’ll openly embrace your unique identity and desires (even kinks and fantasies) so you never have to hide that part of yourself.
If you feel like you’re always attracting the “wrong” partner (maybe emotionally unavailable or even gaslighting partners), we can break that cycle.
You’re not alone.
We can change the narrative together.
What I Offer
I offer personalized 1:1 coaching tailored to your situation:
Individual (1:1) Coaching: Work one-on-one with me to build your confidence.
We’ll uncover your core needs, heal old patterns, and help you communicate your desires.
My clients learn to confidently voice their relationship needs and even embrace their kinks.
We’ll focus on what you want, and dating or relationship advice that honors your identity and goals.Couples Coaching: If you’re in a partnership (monogamous or not), I can coach both of you together or individually to rebuild trust and passion.
We address the real issues (often deeper than fights over money or chores) and help each of you stand up for yourselves without fear.
You’ll learn to express your needs openly (even about sex or non-monogamy) and to listen without defensiveness.
Together, we’ll reignite the spark by rekindling love and respect, communicating desires honestly, and bringing back fulfilling intimacy in and out of the bedroom.Throuple/Poly Coaching: Navigating three (or more) person relationships can be tricky, but you don’t have to do it alone.
I offer sessions for throuples or polycules as needed.
Whether you want weekly one-on-one with me, or a mix of individual and all-partner sessions, we’ll find the right rhythm that works for y’all.
We’ll build a strong framework of communication and respect so everyone feels safe and excited.
One of my clients shared that our work together helped her let go of how she thought polyamory was supposed to be, and redefine it in a way that worked for her.
Coaching Focus
In any program, we zero in on authenticity and empowerment. We’ll specifically work on:
Stopping Self-Abandonment: You’ll learn to finally give yourself the love and support you deserve, so you’re no longer the only one trying in your relationships.
It’s time to have your own back and start setting boundaries.Speaking Up: Gain the courage to say what you really want.
Many clients learn to stand up for themselves even in scary moments, so conflicts lead to understanding instead of silence or fights.Building Confidence: We’ll tackle anxiety and overthinking.
One client said in just 3 months he felt “more confident, more authentic, sticking up for [himself].”
He was nearly unrecognizable… in a good way.Exploring Desires: We’ll create a judgment-free zone for your kinks and fantasies.
You’ll feel confident exploring your the things you’ve watched online in the dark, and learn how to discuss them openly with your partner(s).Non-Monogamy/Polyamory: If you’re curious about open relationships, I’ll guide you through it.
We’ll handle jealousy and logistics so you can explore non-monogamy with security and trust, whether you choose to open up your relationship or set clear boundaries.Reigniting Intimacy: From date-night ideas to rediscovering what first brought you together, we work on reclaiming the passion.
Couples have reported their sex life coming back more passionate than ever once they felt safe to express themselves through our work together.
What Our Sessions Look Like
Our work follows a simple, structured approach to get you results:
Set the Agenda: Each session starts by focusing on your most pressing needs and goals.
Process & Heal: We dive into any emotions, fears, or frustrations that come up.
I’ll help you understand what’s underneath like old wounds, beliefs, or expectations, and gently heal those patterns.Skills & Techniques: We practice practical tools to make change happen.
This may include somatic practices, visualizations, or communication exercises.
You’ll learn how to manage anxiety or jealousy, express your needs clearly, and deepen your connection.
Think of it as exercising and growing new relationship “muscles.”
I draw on my training in DBT, ACT, CBT, and family systems.
Plus my own heretical techniques, if you consent.Personalized Action Steps: You’ll leave each week with a clear plan, and small commitments or exercises to practice until next time.
This keeps the momentum going and turns insights into real-life progress.
Our sessions are a balance of heartfelt processing and forward movement.
We heal past patterns while always keeping an eye on the vibrant, fulfilling relationship you’re creating.
Real Clients, Real Results
Here’s what some of my clients have to say…
| Alex helped me build the courage to be who I truly am and to discover what I really want. I can't thank him enough for giving me the permission I needed to finally be me. |
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| Began dating again after 10+ years - Brian |
| Working with Alex, we’ve resolved recurring issues in my intimate life, and now I feel more confident in my personal life too. Alex is genuinely present, caring, and dedicated to helping people improve. The tools he provided me have been invaluable. |
| Ended a dead-end relationship, and found a true partner - Davis |
| I can’t recommend Alex highly enough! He makes challenging work fun *and* serves it up with sass! Dive in and enjoy! |
| Found the fun and ease in dating - Diane |
| Alex is an amazing coach who will not only support and guide you in becoming more of YOU but will make you laugh and hold space for you while you cry all along the way. Hiring him has been one of the best decisions of my life. |
| Redefined polyamory for herself - Victoria |
| Coach Alex was able to unlock emotions and issues within me that I wasn't even aware of. He's a down to earth, no judgement guy that makes you feel comfortable. |
| Deepened relationship with his partner by standing up for himself - MaShawn |
| Don’t let Alex Ray’s youthful good looks fool you—in just three months of coaching, I’ve learned to confidently voice my relationship needs, explore and embrace my kinks, and open my heart in ways that feel safe and long overdue. Alex has been kind, playful, and full of deep wisdom. He’s a master at keeping you motivated and accountable. If you’re considering working with Alex, don’t wait! |
| More bold in his: relationship, kinks, & emotions - Josh |
| When I found myself in a throuple, I knew Alex would be the right person to guide us through the sometimes tricky emotional dynamics of such a relationship. Through multiple sessions, he helped us uncover the roots of the challenges we were facing, which ultimately allowed us to move forward together in a more tightly knit and loving relationship. |
| From couple to loving throuple - Ross |
Ready to Get Started?
You deserve relationships where you feel safe, exciting, and fully yourself.
Take the next step with a free intro call – think of it as our “first date.”
We’ll spend a few minutes with quick questions to align on your goals and see if we’re a good fit.
No pressure, just an honest chat about where you want to go.
If you’re ready to stop playing small and start living authentically in love, book your free introductory call now.
You already know what you don’t want. Let’s find out together what you do want, and make it happen.